Friday, February 29, 2008

Slowly, but surely

I lost another 600 grams this week to take me down to 98.9 kilos (217.5 lbs). I have to admit that my small losses lately have been getting frustrating. I know I am losing a healthy amount of weight, but I am just itching for a week with a big loss of 1 or 2 kilos.

Normally I would be happy with losing about 500 grams a week, but I have been busting my arse for the last month and it isn't reflecting on the scales as much as I would like. This last week I decided that I would do everything possible to lose a kilo, I stuck to 1200 calories, cut out carbs, increased my incidental exercise and exercised every day and even that didn't work. I don't really know what more I can do and I feel like I should be losing more weight considering how much weight I still have to lose and how strict I am being.

I know there a lot of reasons this could be happening- I could be building muscle (I doubt I am building that much muscle though), I could just be on a plateau or it could be my PCOS having an impact. I am just wondering if any ladies out there take Metformin for their PCOS? I would be interested to hear if it has helped with your weight loss because I am considering going back on it if it does.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to kick start weight loss? I have decided to eat whatever I want for one meal a some stage this weekend with the hope it gives my metabolism a boost- that is my excuse and I am sticking to it anyway! :-)

Anyway, that is enough whinging for a Friday night. When it is all said and done, I am grateful to have a loss at all.

Monday, February 25, 2008


In case you can't see from the grainy photo, last Friday I weighed 99.5 kilos and finally broke the 100 kilo barrier for the first time in 3 and a half years. In the past 10 years I have broken the 100 kilos 3 times, but each time it has been for less then a month before I gained the weight back (and an extra 25 kilos or so). I know I won't gain it back again this time because everything about me and how I have done this is different.

I have always said that when I get under 100 kilos it makes all the difference and guess what, on Friday 2 of my friends commented on my weight loss and on Saturday I had more comments from family. Up until now I have barely had one person notice my weight loss (despite losing 29 kilos to date) and now all of a sudden everyone is asking me if I have lost weight.

I must admit I am really thrilled to have reached this milestone and I am walking with my head held a little higher and a swagger in my step this week.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Once and for all

I have had two moments this week that have really re-affirmed why I am doing this. Sometimes I get caught up in pretty dresses and I forget why I really want to lose weight.

Firstly, a few days ago I had a meeting with one of my editors at Melbourne Uni and as usual I was half an hour early, so I sat on the grass and took a break while I waited. I was looking at all the students around me on the beautiful campus and noticed there were lots of parents helping their kids move onto college. It took me back to 1999 when I moved onto college at uni and how happy I was back then. I had lost a significant amount of weight before starting uni and was a size 14-16 (Australian sizes). For the first time in my life I felt normal- I could wear clothes from any shop, I had loads of friends and the boys were liking me a bit too... ;-) I always remember that year as the best year of my life.

About a year later I started gaining weight rapidly and put on about 40 kilos over a few years. I was depressed and I truly hated myself. I can still vividly remember that first year of uni though when I felt good about myself and I really want that back. When I was watching the students on campus earlier this week it made me realise that I have wasted most of my 20's being unhappy and I am not prepared to waste another day of my life hating myself.

Then this morning I had a hospital appointment for my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I have regular appointments at the Royal Women's every 3 months for check ups and to review medication etc. This morning I was seeing the doctor because for the last 6 months I have been experiencing a lot of pain and irregular periods that have been concerning me. The doctor did an internal examination and thinks I probably have endometriosis as well PCOS (I have also had Dysplasia too so I think my body is rejecting my female organs!) but to diagnose properly I will need to have a laparoscopy.

So that is all fine, I am not too concerned about all of this as it is not serious. Then the doctor asks how much I weigh and I tell her I am 100 kilos and that is when it started. They want me to go ahead and have the operation but there is a risk that it may not be successful because my fat may make it difficult to find my organs. The doctor was actually quite nice about it, but it didn't make it any less humiliating. You have to wonder about yourself when you get to a point where you are so fat that a doctor may not be able to perform a routine operation.

I actually had a laparoscopy about 6 years ago and I remember the doctor saying something similar back then, but that time she said that she wasn't sure that they would have surgical equipment that would be long enough to get through my fat. That day I cried after I left the hospital and probably ate a Big Mac. Today I almost cried from embarrassment and shame, but instead I decided to walk the 30 minutes home, instead of getting a tram, and just get on with it. The operation won't be for a few months at least because of waiting lists so I will just do my best to keep losing weight and hopefully that will make the operation easier to perform.

I really have just had enough of letting my weight take over my life. I vow that 2008 will be the year that I finally conquer my weight problems once and for all.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Biggest Loser

So the Australian version of The Biggest Loser (TBL) started back again a few weeks ago. I always get excited about it because it is normally really inspirational, but this year I am just not feeling it.

Firstly there is the fact that no one on it this year grabs me and I don't feel a connection with any of the contestants. Then of course there is the annoying host. I am sure she is a lovely person but I am guessing she is being told to talk so slowly and be extremely boring by the producers of the show, but it doesn't make it any less annoying.

That stuff is all just superficial, but what bothers me is the whole voting off part of the show. I honestly don't see why they need to vote anyone off, why not just let them all compete to be TBL? It just breaks my heart when I see people who need help and have put themselves out there being voted off. I read in the TV Guide recently (because I read really smart literature) that the host said that voting people off was a necessary evil and no one wants to watch a show about people eating healthy and exercising. Well I don't agree, I would be interested in watching people eat healthy, exercise and lose weight. I would find it inspirational and maybe I would learn something along the way too.

I have always felt this way, but it wasn't until the most recent season that I am finding it uncomfortable because they seem to have stepped up the 'Temptation' part of the show. This comes across as entertaining an audience with fat people who can't resist fried food and I think it is crossing the line and taking advantage. Would this be considered ethical if we 'tempted' alcoholics with alcohol? I am sure this increases ratings and people love to laugh at the fatties who can't resist the donut, but I just don't find it entertaining.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

A Pleasant Surprise

I am weighing in a day later then normal because I was in Sydney yesterday when I normally would have weighed in. I was totally blown away this morning to see that I lost 1 kilo (2.2 lbs) in the last week. I ate out for every meal this week and while I tried to make good choices, sometimes it was near impossible to find anything healthy to eat. I did counter this by exercising every day at the hotel gyms and ensuring that I always left food on my plate.

If I had of eaten similar to everyone else I was travelling with I literally would have consumed thousands and thousands more calories than I did. I know I would have gained between 2-3 kilos if I had of relaxed a little and ordered the pancakes for breakfast, had the steak and mashed potato instead of the vegetarian option for lunch, eaten dessert and had wine with every meal like my colleagues did. I had very little spare time and I used any second I could find to go to the gym or go for a walk. I normally exercise at home so it was quite exciting to use a proper gym, though it was much harder then I remember. All I can say is that the stair machine and elliptical machine are instruments of torture.

Being concious of calories and exercise made the week incredibly tiring, but it is a habit I need to get into if I am going to be travelling a lot for work. I can't just gain a few kilos every month because I am away from home and now I know that I can maintain and even lose weight while travelling. I will have to try and find a balance though because by the time I got home late last night I was feeling like I wanted to pig out on pizza and chocolate. I was exhausted and feeling a bit deprived and I came extremely close to a massive binge. I am thankful I didn't give in and instead put a lean cuisine in the microwave- those things save my arse every time I am tired.

So I am now 100 kilos exactly and I feel like the scales are teasing me. I have come within two kilos of breaking 100 kilos three times in the past six months, I just want to break the 100 and get it over with already. It is going to be huge for me mentally to break the 100. I have always felt like 100 kilos was the difference between me being 'obese fat' and 'normal fat'. I am already looking forward to Friday for my next weigh in and hoping I will make the break through.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Resisting Temptations

Firstly I have to report on a Non Scale Victory (NSV)- for the first time ever I went to the movies on the weekend and didn't get popcorn. The friend that I went with was going to buy a small popcorn and when he went to the service counter they said "It's only an extra 10 cents for a large" so of course he got a large and the bucket was just about as big as my TV. I thought I was going to give in when I saw the huge bucket of hot buttery popcorn, but I just sucked on my pepsi max and did my best to ignore it. It really helped that I had just been shopping and bought a hot little black dress that was on sale. It is currently a little tight, but I am hoping to get into in time for my school reunion next month. If/when I get into it I'll take a photo, it is a really flattering dress.

In other news, I have a new hobby that I started on the weekend- bush walking. I had no idea it would be so much fun. Growing up my dad and extended family always used to drag me along on hikes and I hated it because I was unfit and embarrassed that I couldn't keep up. I decided to give it another try and on Sunday I went to the Dandenongs and found a nice track that was about 2.5 kms, it was beautiful scenery, a lovely walk and a good work out. After I finished I wanted more, so we found another 2.5 km track and went for another walk. I am really looking forward to finding some more hikes and spending my weekends going to new places and exploring while keeping fit. It is so exciting when I actually find an exercise that I enjoy because it doesn't happen very often. I must admit that I woke up yesterday morning and my arse was killing me from all the steep hills and I am still feeling it today.

Last night I had an after work drinks and finger food gathering and as usual I refused the alcohol and food knowing that I had my homemade vegetable soup waiting for me at home. It was quite obvious again that I wasn't indulging with everyone else, but I had already had a huge lunch and dessert at a restaurant for a work lunch so I needed to be extra careful. The funny thing was that when I left later that night with a colleague she commented on how well I did not to give into pressure from other people to "just have one glass of champagne" or "a few chips won't hurt". She went on to say that she gains weight very easily and has to watch what she eats and that over the past 18 months she has lost 20 kilos. I was so surprised because she is super slim and has a gorgeous tiny little figure, I couldn't believe she ever had a weight problem. It also made me feel so much better to have someone appreciate that it is really tough and I am not trying to be a party pooper, it is just something I have to do.

I am off to the airport in a minute to go to Canberra, how cool is it that I am going to be there for "The Apology"!

Saturday, February 09, 2008

A New Low

So I'll get straight to business, yesterday was my weigh day and I lost another 800 grams, taking me to an even 101 kilos (222.2 lbs). This is my lowest weight since November 2004 and I am slowly starting to see the changes in my clothes and fitness levels.

It was a pretty tough week, just look at some of the temptations during the past week:

Saturday- Lunch with a friend and Dinner at my brothers
Sunday- In a car that went through a McDonald's drive thru on two separate occasions
Monday- Chocolate cake for a colleague's birthday
Tuesday- Lunch with editors
Wednesday- Breakfast meeting
Thursday- Lunch with visiting colleagues from the UK
Friday- Lunch for colleagues going away party

Not only did I have lots of temptation, I was also working long hours, some days I was at the office until 8.30pm trying to finish reports for meetings next week. So I was also tired and hungry and there were times I just wanted to pick up a pizza on the way home. All I can say is thank god for Lean Cuisines!!!

Next week is going to be worse, I am travelling to Sydney and Canberra for work and I will literally be eating out for every meal. Breakfast will be the only meal I will have control over because I will be on my own, all other meals will be during meetings and conferences- many with set menus. So not sure if I'll be able to get through next week without a gain. This is really frustrating because I am so close to getting under 100 kilos and I am nervous about losing control of my eating. I am going to try and use the gym and pool at the hotels I am staying at, but it is going to be a huge week and I may not get time. I will just be relieved if I can get through the week without a gain, let alone a loss!

The last few weeks have been full of temptations at work because just about every meeting I have with external clients is over lunch or drinks. I have been doing fine because I don't feel overly tempted when I am at work because I am normally concentrating on work rather then food, but I am sick of looking strange. I am constantly declining food, ordering salads (dressing on the side), not eating all my meals, ordering diet coke instead of wine and skipping dessert and it doesn't go un-noticed. Every time I do this it is like I am screaming "I am on a diet". I mean it is no great secret I am fat, but I hate having to draw such attention to my eating habits in a professional environment.

Before I go, I just want to send my best wishes to Marshy who is participating in a triathlon tomorrow. She is one fit chick and I am so proud of her!!!

Monday, February 04, 2008

2008 GOALS

Yeah I know it's February, but i've been busy and you know, lazy...

Health, Fitness & Weight Loss Goals...

Maintain 2006 & 2007 weight loss- This is always my most important goal. I have never kept off the weight I have lost in the past, so maintaining weight loss is very important to me.

Try a new sport- I am thinking maybe tennis or golf.

Never gain more then 5 kilos at a time- I seem to have a bad habit of hitting 'rough patches' where I gain 10 kilos, so I just want to be able to stop myself before I do too much damage.

Run for 5 minutes non stop- I have never been able to run much more then a few metres and I would love to be able to run for at least 5 minutes, I think it would make me feel very free and also prove to myself that I can do it.

Fit into clothes from a 'normal size' clothes shop- I am not sure how much weight I have to lose to fit into 'normal size' clothes but I would love to stop buying over priced clothes that I don't like from plus size shops.

Be active on weekend- Instead of watching TV and surfing the net on weekends I am going to be active and go for walks and explore new places like walk up the You Yangs, the Otways, swim at the beach etc.

Other Goals...

Grow my hair long- This is harder then it sounds. I have really thick hair and it always gets to a point where it starts to drive me crazy and I get it cut.

Get my drivers licence- I am so embarrassed I can't drive and it is something I really want to do but I have never had the confidence.

Work hard and be successful in my new job- This job has been harder then I thought it would be but I want to give it a really good go and make a success of it.

Travel to a new country- I have fallen in love with travel and I just want to travel the world, so I want to go to at least one new country this year.

Take pride in my appearance- I tend to stop doing my hair, wearing make up, jewellery or nice clothes when I feel bad about myself, so no matter how I feel I am going to dress to impress.

Try new things- I want to take myself out of my comfort zone and go to new restaurants, to the theatre, different kinds of movies and socialise with different people.

Stop over spending- I started a bad habit of shopping to relieve boredom and hunger last year and racked up a bit of credit card debt so I want to stop buying things I don't need and save some money.

Friday, February 01, 2008

Another Friday, Another Weigh In

This morning I weighed in at 101.8 kilos (224 lbs), so a loss of 800 grams (1.5 lbs). I am back down to my lowest weight of last year and most of my work clothes are fitting again- thank god!

What really seems to be making the difference to my weight loss lately is that I have started looking at restricting my calories rather than fat. For years I thought that I had to count grams of fat and would restrict myself to 18 grams of fat a day. This of course meant that I was eating far too many 'low fat' products that were high in sugar and calories. I now try to keep to between 1200-1600 calories a day. I don't actually count my calories though because I am lazy, I just make a rough guess and keep a tally in my head through out the day.

I also got caught up in the whole 'carbs are evil' talk and stopped eating any carbohydrates. Now realise that my body has no energy without carbs and I need them. So I eat carbs again, but I eat low GI (wholegrain bread, sweet potato, legumes, basmati rice) which is also good for my PCOS. On top of this I exercise 3 or 4 times a week, both cardio and strength training.

Since I have found this balance my body really seems to respond to it and I have been able to consistently lose weight if I stick to it. I know it might not be right for everyone, but it is working for me and I hope it keeps working!