Thursday, September 22, 2011

What To Expect When You're Expecting

Spring has arrived in Melbourne so do you know what that means for me? Repeatedly being mistaken for a pregnant woman on public transport.

Last summer I was offered a seat on public transport 11 times due to people thinking I was pregnant. It wasn't only by men either, once a woman offered me her seat, which is only about a thousand times more mortifying. I really did have a sense of humour about it the first 5 times, but it is starting to get less and less funny.

I very much enjoyed the winter months when I wore a thick coat and scarf that covered my fat stomach and no one ever offered me their seat because they thought I was with child. Today was the first day that the sun was shining enough for me to take the tram to work without wearing my winter jacket and guess what? I step on a crowded tram and a man gets up and offers me his seat. Surely this sort of public humiliation is sufficient grounds for Medicare to pay for me to get a tummy tuck!

I know some people might think that is fantastic and I should just take the seat, but I am clearly not pregnant. I do have a fat stomach, but it is separated into two distinct rolls, it is not a nice round little bump. The worst bit is when I decline the offer of the seat I can see the other 80 people crammed next to me on the tram looking at me thinking “is she, or isn’t she?”. I then usually hold my big handbag over my stomach and stare very intently at the floor until I get off the tram.

It also makes me wonder, if 11 people were so sure that I was pregnant that they offered me their seat, how many other people must wonder if I am pregnant but just aren't sure? I was wearing a fitted skirt to work last month and a colleague couldn't stop staring at my stomach and seemed to want to ask if I was pregnant. I quickly worked a comment about going home to drink a bottle of wine after work into the conversation. Better she think I am an alcoholic than pregnant...

I know I should probably wear spanx to work, but it’s really not comfortable to wear a skin tight body suit all day in the summer. Not to mention that I just cannot get the hang of those clips that are supposed to enable me to use the bathroom without undressing and I do not need an underwear malfunction at work.

Well it’s the end of September now; I guess I only have to endure this humiliation until about April. Great.


  1. I totally feel the same way on the Paris metro, it's HORRIBLE... I even had a crazy old bag lady scream on the metro that she didnt know they let cows on the metro now and was yelling at me! horrific, horrific.... hang in there!!

  2. Ouch. I totally feel your pain. I don't use public transport that often, however I have been on the receiving end of several comments. Including when shopping for my friends baby boy, I was congratulated - "oh, having a boy!". Nope, just fat. But thanks.

  3. Yeah... I've received a few comments like this. I don't care any more, and have just told them, "Nope, not pregnant, just fat. Don't stress out!" (Mind you, the looks I get after saying that are also dodgy - instead of looking at me and wondering if I'm pregnant or fat, they wonder which loony bin I got let out of!)

  4. Mate, sorry to hear this. Surely not all 11???

    Could the bloke have been chivilrous, & been offering a pretty girl a seat (esp if you were in heels??)???

    I'm hoping for chivallry.


  5. Just smile, say thanks & take the seat? Maybe he was just being polite - it happens you know :-)

  6. Oh hon, that's horrendous. You really don't look pregnant to me so I can't believe so many people get it wrong. Although you do have a lovely slim face, so I guess that's part of it. Public transport is horrible. At least you wouldn't get the death stares from taking up too much room anymore!

    Hope you're enjoying your luxurious long weekend!

  7. Now's the time to go through your wardrobe and chuck out all your baby-doll style tops and ones that nip in just under the boobs. As someone with a belly I find that what top you wear makes a huge difference.

    I agree with other commenters, some of the guys might have just been being nice. It's not unheard of!

    And the other 80 people crammed on the train with you are thinking...lucky bitch, I'd kill for a or KFC for dinner...OMG I THINK I FORGOT TO SEND THAT EMAIL....nah....pretty sure I did...ooohhh, maybe sushi...

    You would be amazed at how little people think about anyone but themselves.

  8. Sorry you've had to deal with this, so lame! The best reply I've ever heard to someone rude enough to ask though is, "Not yet, but the night's still young." ;)

  9. Tully, I feel your pain. I think it might be the angle that seated people have of someone standing in front of them. You do not look pregnant.

  10. oh, I forgot to say - SAY NO TO SPANX lol..


Awww thanks so much for the comment!