Life has been more than a little difficult lately and this was topped off on Monday when my 50-year old mum suffered a heart attack. Luckily she got to the hospital in time and they successfully put a stent in her heart and she is doing much better now. Phew.
So it didn't turn out to be the best week to get focused on eating healthy again, but I have managed to get through so far without too much damage to the diet. I really didn't feel like I had any choice but to stick to the diet because pretty much nothing in my wardrobe is fitting me right now. I also saw a pretty shocking photo of me taken at a friend's wedding on the weekend that keeps flashing before my eyes every time I contemplate that tub of ice cream. I would post the horrible photo for your amusement but I haven't downloaded it from the camera yet and I haven't located the cord since I moved house a few weeks ago. That is my excuse and I am sticking to it.
This year has really just been one big binge and my weight is now the most out of control it has been since I originally lost 50 kilos. I don't actually know what I weigh, because that would be too scary, but it can't be good. I have let stress get the better of me and have not even tried to control my eating this year. I honestly wish I knew how some people can cope with stress without eating, but knowing that I had that block of chocolate or pizza (or both!) to come home to after a bad day was really the only thing that kept me going.
Eating (and over-eating) really makes me happy and I enjoy every delicious morsel of it. I love being able to catch up with friends and have wine and cheese or dinner with family without having to worry about my diet. I love having cake at morning tea at work or lunch out with colleagues or a 3pm sweet fix to get me through the work day. I love brunch on weekends, popcorn at the movies, hot doughnuts at the market, fancy restaurant meals, greasy take aways and a box of choccies while I watch my favourite TV shows.
I guess I just have to remember what it feels like to look like this...
And what it feels like to look like this...
I feel like I have reached that crucial point where I know that if I continue what I am doing now I will wake up and be 130 kilos again... or I can make a change now. No matter how hard it is, I am determined to make that change before it is too late.