Tuesday, October 30, 2012

1 Week Until Surgery

I guess by this time next week I will be on the operating table having my body lift surgery. It is freaking me out that surgery is so close now. When I put milk in my tea this morning the expiry date was well past my surgery date. So that milk will still be fresh when all my loose skin is removed from me. It blows my mind.

I spent the weekend making lists of things I will need to buy and pack for surgery. I really can't think of anything special I will need so I just picked up a few things:

  • Triangle pillow to help me sit upright at home
  • New pyjamas and slippers so I look cute in hospital
  • A big water jug for home so I can ensure I keep chugging my water
  • Benefibre... enough said
  • A nice smelling candle and oils for home to drown out my own stench if I can't shower for a while
What am I missing? Are the any must-haves I should pack for hospital?

The closer I get to surgery, the more my nerves are kicking in. So far I am not too nervous about the actual surgery, I am just worried that the surgery will be cancelled for some reason. I had a bit of a scare last week when I felt the signs of an oncoming urinary tract infection. I tried to tell myself that it was just menstrual cramping, but as it got worse I knew I had to see a doctor. I was in so much pain on Thursday night that I couldn't sleep, so I stayed up all night googling the implications of having surgery with an infection or having surgery while on antibiotics. I made an appointment with a doctor first thing on Friday and he confirmed the infection, but seemed to think there would be no problem with having surgery because the antibiotics he gave me will clear it up completely.

I'm also suffering from a bad case of the guilts. I feel guilty for taking 4 weeks off work to have the surgery. I feel guilty that people are going to have to help me so much when I am recovering. I feel guilty that I am spending so much money on myself. Of course I wouldn't feel as bad if it was for a 'legitimate' illness, but because it is elective surgery I feel like I am being selfish.

While I am stressing out here I may as well discuss my next fear. I am worried that I am too fat to have the surgery and when I get out I will still look fat. I was googling different abdominal surgeries over the weekend and everyone seemed so much skinnier than me in their before pictures. Am I crazy to think I was ready for surgery now? Am I going to be disappointed with my results?

OK, deep breath. Everything will be alright.

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 26 October

Highest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285.3 lbs)
New Start Weight: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Goal Weight: 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs)
Last Week: 73.6 kilos (161.9 lbs)
Today: 74.1 kilos (163 lbs)
Loss: +0.5 kilos (+1.1 lbs)
Total: 13.4 kilos (29.5 lbs)
God damn I hate posting a gain on my Friday weigh in posts. I guess this gain was worth it though because it came from 4 days of eating delicious foods and drinking lots of wine in Tassie last week. When I got the news last Friday that my surgery had been moved forward I almost wondered if I should stay on a 'diet' during my holiday, but even if I wanted to, I do not have that kind of willpower!
So it is clear that I have no chance at all of meeting my final 15 goal before my surgery on 6th November. I'll just be happy now to get back in the 73's and that will be close enough. Almost made it...
Anyway, this is a very quick post tonight as I must run to the supermarket to get the ingredients so I can make this  mouth-watering triple-choc cheesecake with salted peanut caramel for my sister-in-law. Have a lovely weekend!


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Surgery Changes!

I was enjoying a delicious cheese tasting on holidays in Tasmania on Friday afternoon when I received a message from my body lift surgeon's office asking me to call them urgently. Uh oh. I could just tell this wasn't going to be good news. My biggest fear all along has been that my surgery would be delayed or cancelled for some reason. I remember feeling exactly the same way before my lap band surgery.

Anyway, once my panic attack subsided I called the surgery and spoke to my surgeon's assistant. It turns out rather than my surgery being delayed or cancelled, it actually has to be moved forward because my surgeon has to go overseas. Wow, I was not expecting that news. Then my panic attack promptly returned.

My surgery was originally planned for Thursday 22nd November and it has been moved to Tuesday 6th.  I know it is only 16 days early, but it has put me in a bit of a spin. Instead of my surgery being a month away, it is now 2 weeks away. This time in 2 weeks I will have already had surgery. That is so soon. It also means that I have slim to nil chance of reaching my surgery goal weight now, which is disappointing because it was shaping up to be the first time I would meet a weight loss goal I had set for myself.

I really liked my original surgery date of November 22nd. It was exactly 3 years and 6 months since I got my lap band. It meant that after my 4 weeks sick leave I would have an additional 2 weeks Christmas leave to recover. I now have to cancel or change at least 10 medical and beauty appointments I had made to ensure I had everything covered before surgery (yes, I am high maintenance). Not to mention the 90 minute hot stone massage, dinner at Rockpool and luxury stay at Crown Towers I had booked as a treat to myself. Sob.

The worst bit is that I haven't actually even told my work yet because I have only just returned from holidays. That is going to be fun tomorrow... Lucky I work with a very supportive and flexible team so I am sure it won't be a problem but I feel awful about it. Even worse, AJ has to change 2 interstate trips he had planned for work because they now fall within the week I am having surgery. Ahhh, I hate being a pain in the arse.

Look, I am EXTREMELY happy that my surgery hasn't been cancelled or delayed, but I am obviously a control freak! It will all be OK and I am still super excited about the surgery, I just need a few days to adjust to the change.

The silver lining is that I am changing my life for the better 16 days sooner than anticipated and that is awesome!!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 19 October

Highest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285.3 lbs)
New Start Weight: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Goal Weight: 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs)

Last Week: 74 kilos (162.8 lbs)
Today: 73.6 kilos (161.9 lbs)
Loss: 0.4 kilos (0.9 lbs)
Total: 13.9 kilos (30.6 lbs)

I am at the airport about to catch an early morning flight to Hobart for a long weekend that I have been looking forward to for ages. Now that I have my body lift surgery in just over a month I am slightly nervous about going away for 4 days on a trip that was originally planned to be all about wineries and food. If I want to meet my Final 15 goal I really need to keep myself in check and not be a total glutton. Damn it.
I am constantly reading about other lap banders who go away on holidays and come back lighter, so surely I can aim to at least maintain my weight this week. AJ's hot tip is to wear tight jeans because it prevents you over-eating, but it doesn't tend to stop me much, I just bust open the top button... 
I'll try and (mostly) stick to a few simple rules that will prevent me going into full blown holiday (binge) mode:
  • No sugary drinks
  • No need to stop at every bakery I see for a cake
  • Just because breakfast in included at the hotel, it does not mean you need to eat 3 serves
  • Stick to fresh and local produce
  • Don't drink 2 bottles of wine every night
  • We have cheese in Melbourne, no need to eat all the cheese in Tasmania
  • Dessert is not necessary every night (I am nervous about this one!)
  • Don't buy junk food to keep in hotel room for late night nibbles
  • Walk, walk and walk some more

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Surgery Garments

Look what arrived for me in the mail this week!

I should be showing you the really cute sparkly wedges I ordered online, but instead I am more excited that my compression garments for my body lift surgery arrived. I ordered two that are exactly the same and it cost me $427 (including postage) all up.

You can just imagine how much fun I am going to have wearing these lovely garments for a couple of months over summer. I hear it's going to be an especially hot summer this year too... Obviously it would be preferable to have the surgery over winter, but I didn't want to wait one extra minute or go through another summer of sweaty stomach rashes.

What you can't see in the photo above is the lovely hole in the crotch area, presumably for going to the bathroom. I am guessing I will be leaving my dignity at the door with this surgery. Luckily AJ should be ready for this after the nightmare I put him through last year when I put on full body spanx, then painted my nails and then desperately had to go to the bathroom. You can imagine that assistance was needed... Poor AJ.

I have heard and read online that wearing these garments is a really unpleasant part of the surgery recovery. I am hoping all my years of wearing spanx and clothes that are way too small for me will have prepared me for this particular discomfort. If being obese my entire life has taught me one thing, it is being uncomfortable!

I will be sure to share all the hellish and embarrassing moments of the surgery. Please let me know if you have any of your own horror stories to share!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 12 October

Highest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285.3 lbs)
New Start Weight: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Goal Weight: 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs)

Last Week: 75.2 kilos (165.4 lbs)
Today: 74 kilos (162.8 lbs)
Loss: 1.2 kilos (2.6 lbs)
Total: 13.5 kilos (29.7 lbs)

I owe a very big thank you to the horrible stomach bug I have had for my fabulous weight loss this week. The worst seems to be over now but I still feel extremely weak and having hot and cold sweats as this virus seems to be fighting it's way from my system. The scales were even lower down earlier this week, but now that I have been able to keep some food and water down the numbers are creeping back up again.

It's very nice to see such low numbers on the scale and I just hope I can maintain the loss once I am completely rehydrated and maybe even lose a tinsy bit more next week. I am not expecting big losses for the next couple of weeks because my body seems to follow a pattern of having 2 weeks of good weight loss followed by 2 weeks of plateau or minor losses. Not to mention I am going on a mini 4 day break in a week and I am already nervous about the damage that will cause to the scales!

The good news is that I only have 1.5 kilos (3.3 lbs) to lose until I get to my pre-surgery goal of 72.5 kilos. It doesn't sound like much to lose, but I definitely don't think it will be easy. I have a bad habit of completely dropping the ball right before I meet my goals. To be honest, I am not sure if I have ever met a weight loss goal or challenge that I have set for myself, so I am hoping this will be the first.

The more weight I lose, the more excited I get about my body lift surgery. I am not sure if I could keep going with this diet if I didn't have the surgery to motivate me right now. One thing I will be glad about when it is all over with is that I can finally put my attention toward something other than surgery and dieting... what in the world do other people do with their time???

Monday, October 08, 2012

More Of My Favourite Things

I get so many food and recipe ideas from reading other blogs so I wanted to share some of my current favourite things that I eat on an almost daily basis. I have these stocked in my desk draw and office fridge at all times to make sure I have good foods for the work day.

Roasted broadbeans are my current obsession and I just bought them in Moroccan flavour too which I can't wait to try. They come in little individual 25 gram bags, which is lucky because they are very more-ish! These really do satisfy the salt craving and are low carb and high protein.
I bought these from the Macro health section at Woolworths

These are what get me through a long work day. I buy this particular mix because there is no dried fruit because, as yummy as dried fruit is, it is not good for my insulin. I take a small handful out of the bag and then re-seal it so I don't pick at them all afternoon.
These can be purchased from most supermarkets

Fibre-- a necessary evil after lap band surgery. This is a mix of oat bran, linseed, psyllium seeds and psyllium husks. I mix 3 teaspoons of this with my yoghurt every day for breakfast (it doesn't exactly improve the taste, but it is bearable). I also want to buy some chia seeds to add to the mix after Cat suggested it had helped her. 
I bought these from the Macro health section at Woolworths

This is the yoghurt I have everyday for breakfast. It not only tastes creamy and delicious, but it is one of the only yoghurts that isn't full of carbs and fake sugars so it tastes real. It ticks all the boxes, high protein, low carb, low calorie and yummy.
These are only available at my local Woolworths, not at my Coles

These cheese sticks are my 'on the go' snack. I just pop one in my handbag for when I have to eat on my way out and I want to make sure it will be satisfying and not something that will get stuck in my lap band. I do tend to look strange when I sit on the tram eating my cheese stick though...
These can be purchased from most supermarkets

Sirena is my favourite of all the tinned tuna on the market. Once I tried this brand I couldn't go back to the cheaper ones, which is so annoying because it certainly is not cheap! It is worth it for me because I eat the tuna on it's own for lunch most days so I want to make sure it tastes great.
These can be purchased from most supermarkets
Have you tried any of these products, what do you think?
Do you have any great products that you can't live without either, please share!
My last list of favourite things is here.

Friday, October 05, 2012

Friday Weigh In- 5 October

Highest Weight: 129.7 kilos (285.3 lbs)
New Start Weight: 87.5 kilos (192.5 lbs)
Goal Weight: 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs)

Last Week: 76.2 kilos (167.6 lbs)
Today: 75.2 kilos (165.4 lbs)
Loss: 1 kilo (2.2 lbs)
Total: 12.3 kilos (27 lbs)

It's not often that I lose a full kilo in just one week, so I am really pleased with my weigh in today. I managed to (mostly) keep myself in check over the weekend and it made all the difference on the scales. I did have a little run in with some caramel peanut brittle ice cream on Saturday night but I can never resist a new ice cream flavour when I see it!

I am really close to being 75 kilos (165 lbs) now (just 0.2 away) which is a significant milestone for me. It was kind of always my 'realistic' goal weight and anything lower than 75 will be a bonus for me. That being said, my goal weight for my body lift surgery on 22nd November is 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs). I am not sure if I will make it to that goal but I will be ecstatic with anything between 72.5 - 75 kilos.

It is such a strange feeling to (almost) meet what seemed like an elusive goal weight. I always thought I would be feeling more confident and ready to show myself off in new flattering clothes. Instead I am finding a strange comfort in my baggy old threadbare dresses that I really hate. I guess I feel like I will attract less attention if I keep myself hidden. I don't understand it because that really isn't me. Well I do hate attracting attention, but I love getting glammed up and trying to look my best.

Normally my favourite thing about losing weight is 'shopping' in my closet for clothes that I have bought and finally shrunk into. For some reason I have steered clear of all my goal clothes (except this dress) even though about half of them should be close to fitting me at this weight. The last few weeks I have promised myself that I would delve into the skinny section of my wardrobe but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. God only knows what I am afraid of...

Anyway, enough of this carry on. I will get into my wardrobe sometime over the next week and try on my skinny clothes and I am sure I will have a blast doing it. I have way too many pretty dresses that deserve to see the light of day to keep being such a scardy cat!

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Calorie Counting

I have been dieting for a good 25 years now (how sad), so I tend to know around about how many calories and carbs most of the foods I eat have in them. I don't usually track calories because I find it way too tedious to have to weigh and measure my food (I am quite lazy). It also tends to make me a little too obsessive about every bite of food I put in my mouth and all of a sudden I am worrying about the calories in celery...

So, while I don't count my calories, I am still very conscious of what I eat every day. I generally aim to eat about 1000 calories and 50 grams of carbs every day. I keep a bit of a mental tally of what I have eaten as the day goes on to ensure I am on track, but there is a lot of guestimating going on!

Now AJ has been at me for ages saying that I am over-estimating the calories I eat and that I don't eat enough. So I thought I would track what I eat during a typical week for me and see how much I am actually eating and if I need to adjust my calories. I very diligently weighed and measured all my food and counted my calories for four days. The results are below...

Tuesday 25 September
Calories: 897    Protein: 77    Fat: 47    Carbs: 31    Sugars: 14

Wednesday 26 September

Calories: 694    Protein: 54    Fat: 39    Carbs: 35    Sugars: 15

Thursday 27 September

Calories: 715    Protein: 75    Fat: 47    Carbs: 31    Sugars: 17

Friday 28 September

Calories: 717    Protein: 64    Fat: 46    Carbs: 24    Sugars: 16

OK, so bloody AJ was right, I really should be eating a bit more. Especially as I do at least an hour of exercise 5-6 days a week. No wonder I feel like I am dragging my legs through cement some days.

The problem is that I do get hungry a lot, but I have been binge eating and starving for so long now that I really don't know when I am genuinely hungry. I am also scared that once I eat a little bit more that will open the floodgates and then I will just keep eating and wake up and be 130 kilos again. I just don't trust myself.

So I am going to keep going along eating similar to how I have been for the past few months, because it does work for me, but I am being more lenient with my portions of things like nuts, cheese, olives, avocado and peanut butter because those are all foods that seem to keep me fuller and give me engery (plus they are delicious). Who am I to complain about a pre-workout tablespoon of peanut butter!

Monday, October 01, 2012

The Final Countdown!

The Final Countdown!

I am so excited that today is the 1st of October. It means that I can now say that my body lift surgery is next month. It sounds so close when I say it like that!

In just 52 more sleeps I will be making my way to the hospital to finally have all my saggy stomach and back skin cut off. It's not a moment too soon either because as the spring weather is slowly heating up I am once again being plagued by the 'sweat issue'. It's already getting quite messy and painful down there so I am thankful I won't have to go through another summer like this ever again.

I am currently spending way too much time standing naked in front of my full length mirror pulling and grabbing my skin and fat to try and imagine what I will look like once it is gone. Of course the first thing I notice is how fat my thighs look when they are not overshadowed by my droopy stomach! Oh dear, I am determined not to keep picking fault with my body after the surgery, I just want to be happy with what I have.

As of last Friday I weighed in at 76.2 kilos (167.6 lbs) and my goal before surgery was to be 72.5 kilos (159.5 lbs), but I will be happy to just be as close as possible to that number and be feeling fit and healthy. The surgeon said it wouldn't make any difference to the surgery if I lost weight, so I am really doing this for myself because I want my arms, legs, face and neck to match my new slimmer tummy.

I am not nervous at all about the surgery... well not yet anyway. The only thing I am nervous about is that something will happen and my surgery will have to be postponed. I would be so devastated if that happened, I am trying not to think about it. Only positive thoughts!