Now the tables have turned and I find myself constantly comparing myself with 'skinnier me'. I have gained at least 20 kilos (44 lbs) this year and I can't stop comparing the way I feel now, with how I felt when I was thinner.
It has been over 3 years since I weighed over 90 kilos (198 lbs) and so it has been a huge shock to the system. I honestly forgot how much harder life is for me when I am bigger. I find everyday tasks more difficult, I don't like to take up room on public transport, getting up the stairs at home is harder, my thighs chaff, my feet and back hurt and I just feel like an obese person again.
Obviously one of the main ways I feel inadequate to my former self is in my appearance. I hate to be shallow, but well, I am going to be! I have not received a single compliment since I gained weight. Now don't get me wrong, I don't need compliments to feel good about myself, but they are an indication of what others are thinking of your appearance. In fact the closest I came to a compliment was when a friend said 'you have a pretty face' to me the other day. We all know what a slap in the face that statement is to a fat girl.
I found the first photo of myself taken in January and the second photo taken in July (I actually got bigger than this). How on earth did I let myself gain so much weight in such a short period of time? I can't even imagine what sort of denial I must have been in to gain 20 kilos and pretend it wasn't happening.